Where did she went wrong?

“You bitch”

The words echoed in her head so loud as a bomb blast that she could not even hear any other sound around her, the clock tikking, the baby wailing, washing machine beeping to inform that the clothes are done. She was feeling suffocated in the open air flowing in the room from the window, where she stood. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she realised she was crying.

She hurried to bed after feeding the baby and making her sleep. Today the baby slept without annoying her mother, maybe the little innocent toddler understood her mother’s feelings, and how not when she was a part of her for the 9 months!

She tried crying out while washing her face, to mix her tears with the running water, but felt helpless. Her eyes turned red. She dried her face and kept thinking…All will get good.. He was just not in his senses. But other thoughts loudly said that was he saying the truth because people tend to speak truth when they are not in their senses?!

She silently sat on the bed, to the opposite side where he was already sleeping.. He was in deep sleep.. Snoring…. She thought, how odd of him of sleeping so peacefully after hurting me! She wanted to shout at him and inform him that she was hurt. That she wanted to talk to him. But her words could not gather the power to come out of the mind and mouth.

Her heart wept. She turned around and tried to sleep. Her heart could not contain the tears, filled her eyes and tears slipped from her eyes through her nose, making the pillow wet with every drop of her tear. She gulped down the saliva formed in her mouth. She closed her eyes. She sobbed. She recalled what happened just a couple hours earlier and tried finding where she went wrong.

****

She was done with dinner preparations, was cleaning the house, kept the clothes for washing, checked out on baby and found that baby was playing with her toys. She felt relieved and excited as she thought now baby will sleep sooner and she could enjoy her time with her husband. Baby was 7 months old and since the baby came into their life, the couple had less time together, let alone “privacy” . She went to dress up, chose a red bright dress and was applying makeup when the door bell rang.. 4 times in a row.. She gasped her breath for once as she was expecting her husband to come at this time of the night and these bells startled her. She went towards the door, peeped from the peephole on the door and could see her husband. She was amazed as he carried another key of the house and generally steps in the home by his own key. She opened the door for him. He was drunk. Messy hair. Red eyes. Bad breath. He walked in. Managed himself to walk in. She was unhappy to see him this way..This was an unexpected situation for her as he had promised on their baby that he won’t drink alchohol for his life when she gave birth to their baby. She was angry. She was angry on him to break his promises… She was angry on herself to be stupid and believing him. A flood of emotions drove through her, leaving her weak.

“Where are you coming from? Where have you been?” She enquired, while imagining where he would have been.

“I was at work. I work all day long! I am not you who sits home and relaxes” He shouted. She was dumbfound. All she could think about was their baby. Her baby.

“Shhhh… Why are you shouting? Reduce your volume.! Baby is also in the home” She requested while tears filled her throat.

“Baby baby baby, I am tired of you and the baby. You have made my life hell.. You bitch.. Get lost.. Let me live my life.. I will do what I want. Get lost.” He screamed and rushed to his room like a thunderstorm and closed the door with a bang.. Like a cloud burst in thunderstorm. She shivered. This was not how she expected to welcome him. This was not all she expected to happen tonight. She felt helpless.

Before she could let his words sink in her mind and before she could find sense in what he said, she heard her baby crying. The baby got afraid of the door banged by her father and his shouting. She went to her baby and tried to calm her down. Meanwhile she also cried and the baby watched her and stopped crying, god knows how seeing her mother crying made her mature enough to stop cry and console her mother by silently watching her.

*****

7 months before.. She was so happy when he promised to leave alcohol. He sweared on their baby and she thought it was the best day of her life having her baby and her husband.. All to her. She loved him 10 times more for leaving alchohol. He used to overdrink. He was becoming an addict. He abused her and she prayed from god nothing else but him leaving alcohol and her enjoying her life with him as a happy couple.

ADDICT..She thought.. “Yes, he was an addict and so he went back to his addiction.. He lost to care for his wife and their baby.. He didn’t remember us, that we were waiting to be with him. He found his happiness in alcohol. I used to found my happiness in him..Where should I go now.!? “..

And tears rolled down her cheeks..and she tried finding where did she went wrong..

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